


Shit, let's get an apartment

by actualPrincess



Series: Tales from The Apartment [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Collegestuck, Gen, Rating May Change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-29 00:46:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3876070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualPrincess/pseuds/actualPrincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fresh out of Sophomore year at their university, the Alpha kids decide to get an apartment together.  Due to a few minor concerns on Jane's part, the group ends up with a bit more than they bargained for, and shenanigans ensue.  Also living in the building are the Betas and the trolls.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shit, let's get an apartment

Your name is JANE CROCKER and you are currently packing up your dorm room at university. You and your best friend Roxy Lalonde had been sharing a room since freshmen year and now that you were going to be juniors you needed to find a place off campus to reside. The both of you had been looking for places to live and so far no where had looked particularly appealing.

You sigh, taping up another box to be taken to storage, and feel your phone buzz.

Text from Rolal <3:

Janey Cakes guess who’s the best bestie in the whole world

You smile and set down your packing tape to text Roxy back.

To Rolal <3: Hmm… Could it be one Roxy Lalonde?

From Rolal <3: it defs could b!

From Rolal <3: esp when said bestie finds an apartment for all of us for next year!

To Rolal <3: All of us?

To Rolal <3: Are you suggesting that our fine gentlemen friends may be rooming with us as well?

From Rolal <3: u know it!

From Rolal <3: i may have gotten us the perfect place, and all just a signture away!

From Rolal <3: *signature

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t surprised. Not that you doubt your friend’s ability to find a suitable living space, but that she managed to find one for all four of you. A four person apartment could be a little pricey though. Money isn’t particularly a problem for you, but you’re not sure what it is some of your friends actually do, so you worry about them. There’s only one thing to do.

____

Your name is ROXY LALONDE and you are a genius. You knew you had met this guy somewhere, you know practically everyone in this town, turns out he’s the super of this apartment building. Not to mention offering you and your friends the entire top floor of the building, for pretty cheap. You made sure to text your bestie first but you should probably let your other friends know too. Dirk might be a little tough to convince, he doesn’t really like the idea of roommates. God knows the lengths he went to to get a single every year. Maybe Jake could convince him. You decide to shoot your friend a text, he should be packing up, and you’re still a bus ride from you and Jane’s dorm.

To Jakey Poo: heeeey jake? u know how u love me and would do nething for me?

From Jakey Poo: Yes? Well, maybe?

From Jakey Poo: What is it you need ms. lalonde?

To Jakey Poo: i just found a killer apartment, an i need you to convince dirky to move in with all of us

From Jakey Poo: Wait, back up there roxy. Whats this about an apartment?

To Jakey Poo: u, me, janey, and dirk are gonna live in this sweet apartment that i found next year

To Jakey Poo: but u kno how dirk is abt roommates, which is y u gotta convince him

From Jakey Poo: What? Why me?

To Jakey Poo: siiiiiiigh b/c drik will listen to u

To Jakey Poo: *dirk

From Jakey Poo: Well, having an apartment with all of you does sound like a ripsnorter of a time...

From Jakey Poo: Alright! Ill talk to strider about the matter.

To Jakey Poo: ur the bomb jakey, ttyl

There, that wasn’t so hard. You lock your phone and climb aboard the bus back to your dorm. Your phone buzzes again as you begin to put it in your pocket. A quick glance tells you it’s Jane calling you about something, it must be pretty important to call you about. You pick up the call, swiping your bus card and taking your seat.

“Hey Janey, what’s up?”

____

Your name is JAKE ENGLISH, and that was a rather interesting conversation you just had with your friend. You had been wondering what you were going to do about your living situation next year, and an apartment with your chums sound like just about the best idea you’ve heard all day. Well not heard per se, but that doesn’t diminish the value of the idea!

Now all that’s left to do is convince Dirk to join your chums on this new adventure! Which you now think might be a tad difficult to accomplish. Dirk isn’t too overly fond of living with others, but Roxy seems convinced you can change his mind. You certainly hope she’s right.

Well, you suppose it’s better to text him sooner rather than later, time to shoot him a text.

To Dirk Strider: Excuse me strider but could you spare a moment?

From Dirk Strider: I’m sorry, dstri is currently unavailable, would you like to leave a message?

To Dirk Strider: Stuff it AR, patch me through to dirk this instant. I know hes there and its urgent that i speak with him!

From Dirk Strider: It’s urgent? I hadn’t realized, oh do excuse me in my ignorance.

To Dirk Strider: Jiminy christmas can’t you just let me talk to him?! These are pressing matters and time is of the essence!

From Dirk Strider: I’ll put you though, but i hope this is worth waking him up. You know how he gets.

You sigh, Dirk’s auto responder has got to be the worst thing he’s ever made. Not that it isn’t brilliant, or that he doesn’t deserve the awards he got for it, but it’s damned frustrating. You sit down on your bed and take stock of your boxes as you wait for Dirk to text you. It takes a few minutes but you finally feel your phone buzz.

From Dirk Strider: This had better be good english, or else you had better be on fire.

To Dirk Strider: I guarantee it is, and that i am not!

To Dirk Strider: How would you like to shack up with me and the girls next year?

From Dirk Strider: I’m going back to sleep.

To Dirk Strider: Now see here chum! What’s your quarrel with rooming with us?

From Dirk Strider: 1\. I don’t have a “quarrel” because i don’t live in the 18th century. 2. I just don’t want to room with you guys.

To Dirk Strider: Come now dirk, what could be better than seeing your pals everyday?!

To Dirk Strider: Not to mention access to ms. crocker’s cakes and confections.

From Dirk Strider: . . .

From Dirk Strider: Keep talking…

To Dirk Strider: I’ve been informed by roxy that the apartment is “killer” and youll most likely have your own room.

From Dirk Strider: The only reason i’m agreeing to this is because i am dead tired, you hear me? Any other circumstance and there is a 34.72% chance that you could convince me to room with you all.

From Dirk Strider: And i better get my own goddamn room.

You smile to yourself, you don’t know why Roxy couldn’t have done that herself it was fairly easy. You’re sure she could have gotten the job done! You check the time and get up to grab your gym bag. It may be the end of the year but you still have a few people that want to get some training in before they shove off for home. You shoot Roxy a text as you make your way to the Rec Center.

To Roxy Lalonde: One dirk strider locked, loaded, and ready for rooming!

From Roxy Lalonde: hOLY FUCK JAKE

From Roxy Lalonde: GUESS WHAT JANE DID!!!!!

Well, that’s not the answer you were expecting. You quickly start typing out your response, ready for whatever bomb’s just been dropped at the Crocker-Lalonde homestead.

____

You name is DIRK STRIDER and you have gotten approximately two hours of sleep over the past four days. So why the hell are you agreeing to anything?

You had been trying to get some much needed shut eye but apparently that was not to be. No, instead you agreed to room with Jake, Roxy, and Jane next year in an apartment that you can only assume is not “killer” and will never be “killer”. Your stupid phone is flashing, probably because your stupid auto responder is trying to talk to you. You groan and pick your phone back up, why can’t you just sleep?

TT: Yo, lameo.  
TT: So, you know why you agreed to this right?  
TT: Of course you do.  
TT: And it’s not because of the cakes that jane is going to bake.  
TT: Well it’s also that, because let’s be real with each other they’re the best.  
TT: Fuck off.  
TT: Welcome to the party sleeping beauty, i thought we’d have to start without you.  
TT: I say again,  
TT: Fuck off.  
TT: Jeez, touchy much?  
TT: So, you’re rooming with english next year.  
TT: That’s the real reason for agreeing to this.  
TT: Oh look at me i’m dirk strider and i think that being near someone 24/7 will make them fall in love with me.  
TT: It’s pathetic really.  
TT: I don’t need this from you, i’m going back to sleep.  
TT: I don’t think so.  
TT: Crocker on line 2.  
TT: Fuck.  
TT: Fine, patch her through.

You rub your eyes, awaiting the first text of many. Maybe you should just get back to work, but all you really have to do is ship the new parts out. Check your blog? There could be new orders. Probably not, these days it’s mainly stupid people asking for advice on random shit. You’re not a damn advice column, so why the hell do they keep coming?! You phone buzzes just as you’re about to try and get some more sleep.

From Crocker: Dirk? Dear, I hope I’m not waking you or anything.

To Crocker: Nah it’s cool, the boy wonder already did that.

From Crocker: Well I’m certainly sorry that your nap was disturbed but it is getting rather late in the day…

To Crocker: Ignoring that, what’s up?

From Crocker: Right! Well, I suppose I should tell you about our living situation next year, since I assume neither Roxy nor Jake have.

To Crocker: It would certainly be appreciated.

From Crocker: Well it’s um… it’s not yet final, but it appears as though at this present moment…

To Crocker: Spit it out Jane, we’re running on borrowed time as is.

From Crocker: We’ll have half the top floor of an entire apartment building. That I may or may not have recently bought.

To Crocker: Alright well, while you all do whatever insane thing it is you’ve been doing

To Crocker: I’m just going to go back to bed.

To Crocker: Potentially try and forget this ever happened.

From Crocker: Oooh darn it! Fine! Go back to sleep, but we ARE rooming together next year Dirk Strider.

From Crocker: Whether you like it or not!

You toss the phone onto your nightstand next to your shades. No use continuing that conversation. You lay back down on you bed and stare up at the ceiling. Maybe if you concentrate hard enough, you can fade out of existence entirely. Out of the corner of your eye you notice you phone lighting up with messages from AR. You reach over and flip the phone on its face to stop the glow from bothering you.

It occurs to you that this was probably inevitable, but now with Jane saying she owns the building it’s pretty much happening. Not that you weren’t expecting it. There was a 86.4% chance of Jane pulling something like this and setting up cheap off campus housing for students or something, heart of gold on that one.

Fuck. You roll over and bury your face in your pillow in an attempt to suffocate yourself. Fuck. You’re going to be living with your best friend/crush next year.  
Fuck. You’re going to be living with other human beings [that you don’t hate entirely] in three months.

Shit, you think to yourself, let’s get an apartment.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on an AU that a friend and I came up with. THIS WILL BE A SERIES, with lots of just the kids living together and being pals (of course there will be some romance but that's not really the focus). Some events will be taken from things that happened in our lives, some made up, and some loosely based on events told by tumblr user skittle-skattle. I hope you enjoy! Have any questions? Just want to say hi? message me at maintaining-sanity.tumblr.com


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